I love checking my Memories section on Facebook. It reminds of the life I’ve had in the last few years. There are so many good memories, and quite a few sad memories. However, even the sad memories remind me of how grateful I am for my support system.
A couple of days ago, one memory popped up that I used to be proud of, but lately it fills me with a little bit of regret.
Five years ago, I finished my first novel. I’m not sure how long I had been writing it. It was very off and on. I don’t regret writing it. I’m still really proud for writing it. (At times, ridiculously proud). I’m proud of every single edit and revision I’ve done. My regret is that it’s still waiting to be published. Even though I have been editing once or twice a year, I feel like I gave up on publishing.
I sent it away to two different publishers after my first edit. It wasn’t ready, but I didn’t know that. I got the rejection letters. I continued editing my novel, and have continued to edit it on and off during these last five years. I haven’t continued to find publishers to send it to.
I regret that I quit trying. I don’t normally quit things. That’s why I’ve continued to work on it and make changes. However, while I hate quitting, I also don’t really like failing. Which means, in my head, if I don’t send it out, I can’t fail because nobody will be able to tell me no. Obviously, that’s a ridiculous statement, and obviously failing is not always a bad thing. The problem is that I want to share my novel. I think it’s good, and I think it needs to be read, and I KNOW I need to get back to trying to publish it. I know that “Try Try Again” is a wonderful motto to have, but sometimes it’s hard when the fear of another rejection is also there.
My goal for 2019 is to send out my novel again. I need to try. I need to try again. I can’t quit on a dream. This is not to say I have quit. I write everyday, and I’m working on getting other types of writing into the world, but I want my novel to be read as well. I want writing to be a career as well as a passion and hobby.
Having Anthony and being a Stay at Home Mom has made me realize how much I want to be a writer. Some days I miss having a job to go to, (I definitely miss the money) but I am the first to admit that I would not be writing as much or as frequently as I am now. My son inspires me, and having the freedom to follow my passion is everything to me. I write for myself, and I write because I want him to see me doing something I love. I would also like him to see me making money at what I love. That will come with time though. (Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect my novel to be a money making book, but I do hope I can make a little bit.) I just want him to know that following your dream is an option. And for him to see that I can’t give up on myself or my book.
That being said, I’ll be sending out my novel again in 2019. I need to get it edited one more time by a professional, and then I will be finding a publishing company I would like to work with. I can’t wait. It will not be until next year though. The end of this year will be spent trying not to stress about having a wonderful Christmas.
Now that I have made time to post about my writing regrets, it’s time to do some more Christmas preparations. I’ll be adding a post about my Christmas crafts soon. Until then, Happy Writing. And Have a Happy Holiday!
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