Just a quick note before you read on: I started writing this in September after my birthday, and didn’t finish it. Life got in the way, and other posts were written before this one. I hate not finishing posts. My goal is to finish all of my unfinished posts before the New Year. I have three including this one. This one is important to get done before the next year because I’ll be turning 39 in 2019. Here is my take on turning and being 38 years old.
On September 11th, I turned 38. As I said before, I was really sick on my actual birthday with a cold. (I’m also posting this a couple of months late.)
I am okay with aging. Not everybody gets to. Growing older is a privilege. (I try not to swear a lot in my posts (unlike in real life), but I’m about to.) It’s a fucking privilege. The fact that I get to continue living my life one year older is wonderful. I can live my life for those that can’t.
Plus, I’m so close to 40 that I’m already planning (in my head) my 40th birthday. I can’t wait. I’m not scared to age.
My Birthday Weekend
Before I talk about my actual birthday, I’ll talk about the weekend before my birthday. I decided to take a weekend for myself. I went glamping. I left my kiddo with his grandparents, and I went off to stay in a tepee. I’ve never gone camping by myself. I was proud of myself even though everything was already set up for me. I also started my very first fire. It’s more embarrassing than anything that I haven’t done this yet, but I made TWO amazing fires. It was a wonderful place called Camp Wolf Willow. It’s also conveniently on the same grounds as the Wolf Willow Winery. Saskatchewan made fruit wine.
I went on a hike during my very first afternoon there, and suddenly I realized, I was breathing. It sounds silly to say, but I had forgotten how to breathe. I had forgotten to take that calming breath to stop the feeling of anxiety or life overwhelming me. I forgot that breathing helps stop the pain. Both physical and emotional.
Summer was hard, and I needed a moment to both feel the pain, and to get out of my head. I needed me time to write and heal.
Also, a side note, I now travel with the rooster from the first photo. My good friend bought him for me in BC. She said she bought him because he looked sad, and I was sad, so maybe we could cheer each other up. I think it’s working.
I haven’t found time or had a moment to take in sunsets lately, and I LOVE sunsets. I made sure to watch them every night.
Just a little rave about Wolf Willow: they’re fantastic. The teepees are full of wonderful details and comforts. The people running the winery (and the campsite) are friendly and kind. The food is delicious, and the wine is wonderful. My favourite is the rhubarb wine. If you are travelling through Saskatchewan, please check this place out. https://www.campwolfwillow.com/
I had a rough sleep the first night, but it didn’t have to do with the accomodations. It was really windy, and I guess I was a little on edge being there by myself. I woke up a lot throughout the night. It might have also been the first night in a year away from my son. It’s not easy to let go. The second night was better, BUT I started to get sick. I don’t know if this happens to other people, but I find the second I start relaxing, my body realizes maybe I’m making time to get sick. The day I was leaving, I woke up really sick. I still made time to enjoy my last few moments alone before leaving to pick up my son.
I hope to do the same sort of trip next year. If Clint is here, I’ll go with him, and if he’s not, I’ll go by myself again. I DO want to take my tot camping at Camp Wolf Willow some day. He’d love it.
My Birthday (Day)
I also love celebrating my birthday. I don’t know why, but I always have. This year though, I just didn’t want to be alone. Clint was still working away, and I wanted to have a girl’s night. (Plus kids).
The year before, Clint was gone as well, but I was okay with that. In fact, I think after spending the day with my mom and sister, I came home and ordered Korean food for my kiddo and I. I guess I had decided I wasn’t alone if my baby was with me, and I was really looking forward to the food. I didn’t mind time by myself.
This year, I didn’t want to be alone. Before going on my birthday Mom-cation, I decided to have a girl’s night on the day of my birthday. I invited some friends over for a game night and supper. Unfortunately, I was RIDICULOUSLY sick. I almost cancelled, but didn’t want to spend the whole night alone.
I forced myself to go for my haircut that day, although I did consider wearing a face mask. The haircut helped, as did the cold medications.
I decided to just meet up with my friends at a 60s diner close to my house. Mostly because I knew they served milkshakes, and that would be good for my throat, and make my son happy.
It was a great night, and I was really happy my friends came even though I was disgustingly sick, and can’t remember any of the conversation. That’s love.
And that’s my 38th birthday. I used to dread being 30. I can’t even remember why. Aging is okay with me. Every year, I learn new things, I discover life, I find things to be grateful about, and I am constantly changing (for the better, I hope.)
I’m lucky to have the life that I do, and I hope in my 38th year, I will publish more writing, I will share more writing, I will continue to do better at life, and I will continue to see the gratitude. It’s all I need.
Happy Birthday to anybody celebrating! (And since I don’t finish posts quickly, that’s basically any time of the year.)
©ErinLeahMcCrea All photos I share on my blogs are my own, please Ask Me For Permission Before Using Them.
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