This week was a little bit more active than last week. It’s still ridiculously cold out, and my ankle is still sprained, but we HAD to get out of the house.
I’m conflicted about this post because I want to share crafts, but I also want to talk about something that happened on Wednesday that’s been bothering me since it happened. I’ve been going to libraries with Anthony to see which ones we like best. We aren’t going for the toddler story times, but just to read new books and see the toddler play area.
I’ll tell my story, and then show what we’ve been doing this week.
I was at one of the libraries, and I sat down next to a woman who was there with her son. She was like me in the fact that she also needed to get out of the house because the cold was driving her crazy. I’m not sure if she was a stay at home mom, but I would assume she was because she was in the library in the middle of the afternoon. I don’t want to assume though. I didn’t ask. She was momma to one. We did talk about that. Her son was around the same age as my kiddo.
She and I bonded over the fact that we worry about so many things now that we are mommas. We talked about our kids, and the usual proud momma talk. Somehow, I ended up mentioning that when my son wakes up in the middle of the night, I usually end up sleeping with him. I do it because I’m exhausted, and it’s the best way to get him back to sleep. I pick my battles, and making him sleep alone when he’s woken up and is upset isn’t a fight I’m ready for.
Here’s the thing: I just gave a reason. I don’t think I should have to do that. I think I can say “Sometimes we co-sleep” and leave it at that. Unfortunately, I feel the need to validate my decisions. If you don’t co-sleep with your son, I don’t expect you to tell me why. I get it. I can only hope that others understand my decision without me needed to give a reason.
This mom did not.
She automatically said, “That’s a terrible habit to get into.”
I sat there with my mouth open because I really didn’t expect that response. It’s the kind of response you see online by people who think they’re safe on their screens. I didn’t really say anything else except to say sometimes, it’s the only thing that helps. We talked about it for a little longer. I’m not sure exactly what else we said, but we talked about sleeping habits and routine. (I’m one hundred percent on board for routine in my house, as was she, but to each their own. I know other parents are good without one.)
Then she said, “He’s going to sleep with you until he’s ten if you keep sleeping with him.”
Again, I don’t really say a lot to people when I’ve been insulted. Sometimes I don’t think it’ll help, other times, I know I won’t be able to get my words out right. (I’m a writer. I need to write it down.) I also don’t think she meant to insult me or the way I parent. I don’t think she meant to push her view of parenting onto me because I do something differently than she does.
But she did, and it stung.
Here’s my honest opinion about the encounter. She seemed like a nice enough momma, and maybe in need of some other mom friends. She did mention that she was enjoying having an adult conversation. I’m all for befriending people. I know that being a mom is lonely.
I also know that if I don’t agree with the way somebody else is parenting, I don’t have to comment. (Obviously, neglect and child abuse are different topics. I’m talking about choices people make every day.) I don’t have to agree. I’m not that child’s mom.
Here’s what I’ve learned in my short years of being a mom. You stand next to other moms and cheer them on. You don’t tell them they are going to screw up their kid, or start bad habits. You don’t tell them they are doing it wrong. You don’t comment on the fact that the mom asks for a break (this is a different story about a different momma who liked to comment on my breaks, but this time through social media.) You don’t have to comment on things that you don’t do yourself if it’s negative. You cheer them on. If they ask for advice, you can give them advice. Helpful alternatives even. Supportive advice.
You say “You Got This Mama.”
Because as moms we all know it’s hard. We know it’s not easy. We can at least admit that. No mom is the same. No mom raises their kids the same. We all need support.
That’s all I’m going to say about it because to be honest, I thought she was perfectly nice other than those comments. I thought her son looked like a lovely little fellow. I don’t like what she said, but she was obviously a kind and caring mother.
You got this Mama.
And now for my week. I’ll post some photos of what we’ve been doing.
We finally got some painting done. This pool has been a wonderful idea for over the winter. It can be used for so many things.
We’ve been to three different libraries this week, and plan to continue. The library has Blind Date books to borrow. I love the idea.
We did our annual photo shoot with some friends. We set up the background and went Valentine’s crazy. Anthony was not interested at all. There are more photos on yesterday’s post.
I made love bugs with his foot prints! They are so cute!
©ErinLeahMcCrea All photos I share on my blogs are my own, please Ask Me For Permission Before Using Them.