I’m trying to write as much as I can, but I can’t write everyday this month. I don’t want to stress myself out, I just want to write. I’m feeling a lot of anxiety lately, and writing helps with that, but it doesn’t have to be my blog. I’ll my focusing on some journal writing in the next few days. I also write one letter a week to send away to spread some letter receiving joy.
We’ve had a good week (other than the anxiety). My partner and I are trying out a way to give each of us some time out of the house or just child free in the house. He’s home and not working at the moment so it’s really a relief to not parent alone. It’s working out, and I think it’s been nice for both of us. My kiddo is loving it as well. It’s nice to spend time together with all three of us, but it’s also nice for the break. One on one time is lots of fun for him.
In fact, my son really loves the time he gets to spend with his dad. I am dreading the moment my partner goes back to work.
The reason we decided to start this was because it’s so hard to get anything done. I’ve been trying to go on the elliptical everyday, but that’s an hour of not parenting, plus a shower after. That’s fine, but then I feel guilty when I try to do anything else. I feel like the exercise is my ‘me time’ or my ‘self care’, and it’s frustrating because I have other things I’d like to get done. I finally spoke to my partner about it, and we decided to make sure each of us get some downtime.
Of course, our downtime isn’t really downtime. We’ve been doing outside work, inside work, and laundry most days. Sometimes we both work with the kiddo, and other times we take our time.
Today, I stayed home. I did all the things that would normally make me feel guilty because I know I have other things to do.
I hung out with Anthony when he woke up, but then went back to bed after my partner got out of bed.
I stayed in bed until 10. I didn’t feel guilty.
Once I got up, I had a cookie for breakfast with my coffee while watching Pretty Little Liars on Netflix. I DID NOT feel guilty.
After lunch (which I ate while watching Netflix), I FINALLY got onto the elliptical. I’m using it every second day, and although I really didn’t want to do it, I need to continue making it a habit. Obviously, there’s not guilt for this one.
I am basically always a sweaty blob after the elliptical so I had a bath at 4pm. I didn’t feel guilty.
I also wrote a letter and crafted today. I will post more about the crafts later. All in all, it was a good day.
The best part of my day, was having supper with my kiddo (even though he refused to eat), and reading and cuddling before bed.
The point is usually when I give myself a day off, I can’t stop thinking about all the things I need to be doing. I feel guilty for not being with my tot, or not cleaning the house, or not writing. I feel guilty about everything. The mom guilt is strong.
But today, I won’t let it get me. Eff the Mom Guilt. I’m allowed to take a break. And I did.
I never really understood the feeling of guilt before having my son. Now I always want to be doing better, and be doing more. I feel guilty about not doing things as well as I could be.
But today, I choose to ditch the guilt. Tomorrow, I’ll spend my day with my kiddo watching him laugh and play. It will be a great day. We’ve had some great days, and I don’t want to waste it feeling guilty.
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