I started writing this almost a month ago, but kept leaving it while working on other things. Today, I came to write a completely different post, but they are close enough in subject that I can post them as one.
First of all, to catch up, I have been focused on writing other things lately, and haven’t given my own blog writing the time it deserves. I love the opportunity to write for other places, but I am still working on figuring out how to do it all. It’s a work in progress for sure. I am a work in progress. I hate not being able to do it all, but the fact is, being a mom comes first, and everything else comes after. I’ve committed to everything else I write, and to the other places I write for. That means my blog comes last until I figure out how to fit it all in.
The other thing is that I’m exhausted. I’ve been doing a lot this month, and it’s been great, but now that I’m getting a bit of a rest, I realise that it’s been really hard both emotionally and physically. I’m ready to take a break. Unfortunately, I’d rather sleep than write. While I’ve been busy, I’ve also been letting the anxiety get to me. I have a tendency to focus on the things that are causing me anxiety instead of looking around at all the wonderful things that are happening in my life. There are many. I’m still working on leaving my worries behind so I can focus on everything good. As I said, I’m a work in progress. Life has felt really hard lately. It is hard. I would like the extra weight I’ve been feeling to go away. Hopefully the more I write, and the more I take time to remind myself to breathe, it will lift. My son isn’t part of the weight, or the anxiety. He’s the light.
Now that I’ve got this out of the way, I can talk about the best part of my life. I’ll go into the things I wrote months ago because they still hold true, and then I’ll talk about more recent love for him. (Always love for him, sometimes mixed with annoyance.)
From a month ago:
I was watching my son play with other kids, and I was suddenly struck with how proud I am of him. There was a point, not so long ago, that I was constantly worried about how he would interact with others. He was (and still is) rammy (for lack of a better word), and doesn’t always pay attention to what he’s doing. He has, on occasion, hit other kids (and us), and he also jumps around without caring or noticing if he lands on other babies or kids. He doesn’t do it because he wants to hurt anybody, he just acts purely out of instinct. Lots of toddlers do, I’m sure. However, it’s my son I see doing it. I see him being the crazy aggressive one, and I spend a lot of time watching him hoping he doesn’t jump on a poor and unsuspecting kiddo.
He loves playing with other kids, but hasn’t always been great at it. I enjoy watching him play with his other rammy (for lack of a better word) friend because they play the same, and there are less tears.
The other day, I realised things had shifted. He still gets hyper and crazy, but he’s finally learned the concept of being gentle with others, and with sharing with others (to a point). I know that things have changed with him because I’m no longer on edge. I’ve changed as well. I don’t have to constantly be by his side because he’s able to play with other kids. He still needs to know that I’m near him, but I’m not as worried now. (I still get worried when there are babies in the room. He really doesn’t take note of his surroundings before leaping around in it.)
Long story short, I was proud of him. I am proud of him for becoming such a fantastic little boy. I’m proud of him for sharing with others, for being considerate of others, and for being able to play independently as well as with others. Proud Momma Moment. We still have more work to do, but it’s been a fantastic start.
We were also at the zoo recently, and he was playing in the park with a kid we’d never met. At one point, he looked around and said, “Where’s my little buddy?” It was the cutest thing ever. I love that he has friends, and can make them. He’s had some of the same friends since he was born, and it’s been really great watching them grow up together. I’m also glad he has them because I don’t think he’ll have any siblings, and these friends will be and are like family to us.
Of course, shortly after noticing how amazing he’s been, he was playing with some kids, and yelled “AHHHHHHH” into another kid’s face. He scared her. I’m not sure why he did it, but I think he was trying to be funny. Occasionally, he will have a kid who yells right back at him, and that was probably his goal.
Now back to the present. I still love watching him play with other kids. He loves having buddies around him. He is a toddler so it’s off and on, but I do see that I’m raising a boy who is starting to take note of his surroundings, and usually loves playing with others.
We have noticed a change in him lately. The terrible two meltdowns slowed down, and now we are dealing with the threenager attitude. I’ve been warned about this. The tantrums were not easy, but I have a feeling the attitude will last longer and be more constant.
With that being said, my son officially turned three yesterday. It’s hard to believe that three years ago we had a newborn. We have survived the newborn age, the baby stage, and part of the toddler life. He’s also survived and learned, and become a wonderful little human that I cannot imagine my life without. He makes me smile every day. He makes me grateful everyday. Not every moment is wonderful. It’s really hard sometimes, but it’s worth it. I’ve watched so many brave families deal with health issues or worse. It’s easy to feel the gratitude.
I love watching him grow and learn. He amazes me everyday with his knowledge. I love watching his imagination and curiosity. And of course, the second I’m at my most frustrated, he does something that makes me laugh, or gives me an adorable smile, and he’s usually instantly forgiven. He knows he’s got his momma wrapped around his finger.
Even though he’s very stubborn and full of attitude (“MOMMA, GO AWAY!”), I am loving watching him change and watching more and more of his personality come out. He’s constantly surprising me, and constantly making me a happy momma. To be honest, a stubborn attitude is not really a bad thing, and in the future it will be great – just not when he’s going against his momma.
I think we’re in for a fun year with our three year old.
I’ll be back soon. Happy Long Weekend!
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