Wacky Weekend of Solitude. Days 19-20

We have almost survived three weeks. I don’t have a lot to say about how I’m feeling. We are surviving, and I am counting the days of our social distancing, but I am also counting down the days until my partner gets home. It’s been a tough could of days solo parenting. I’m getting tired. It will be nice to parent as a team.

Saturday: Day 19

On Saturday, I did something for myself. I wrote in my journal. It’s been a month since I’ve written in it. Sometimes when I write in my journal, I write to people I have lost. I write to my friend Crystal. It’s how I talk to her, and how I let her know how much I wish she was here. I can imagine her texting me from her own social distancing about her daughter who would be one and a half. I can picture it, and I hate that neither of us (but especially her) got to meet her daughter. She would spend this time making everybody around her happy.

I try not to think about the deaths happening in the current world, but I do. It’s a hard topic, and it breaks my heart. I think it’s horrible that people are dying alone. More so than ever when we are all isolated from one another. I’m not just talking about those with Covid_19. I mean anybody who has to die alone. My heart is heavy for them and the loved ones. As I wrote about this in my journal, I realized that my friend died that way. She was alone (other than the person who did this), and she must have felt so alone in her last moments.

This is why I want to do more to help women who are abused. I don’t know how yet, but I won’t stop trying. Right now, these women who are already isolated from others are even more isolated. It breaks my heart.

I wrote to my friend for three pages of my journal. I needed the time. My son was playing on his own, and I took some time for self care. I needed it.

This subject has been on my mind. I wanted to share.

Sunday: Day 20

20 days with no activities outside of the house and with no friends to hang out with. It’s been tough, and today was hard on me. I had no patience, and I was tired, and to be completely honest, I was tired of being a mom. The thing about being tired of being a mom, is that you have to do it anyway. And I did. I was grumpy, and I was frustrated, but my kid made me laugh at times too. It may have been a better day if he didn’t think that 4am was morning.

The day was rough, but I had a hero. I told my sister about my frustrations, and she ordered me treats from 7-11. They now deliver. I told her I needed to make my soul happy, and I wanted an orange float. She sent me a key ingredient as well as other treats. She’s always taking care of me.

I also went on the elliptical for 30 minutes. To be clear, I DID NOT do this to balance out the float. I do the elliptical as a stress and anxiety release. I don’t reward myself with treats. I have treats when I feel like it. My body deserves anything it wants.

That was my weekend. We made it 20 days. And we miss everyone.

©ErinLeahMcCrea All photos I share on my blogs are my own, please Ask Me For Permission Before Using Them

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