Being a Mother

I am behind on posting, and today is actually a bit of an anxiety filled day. I have a lot of posts to catch up on. Including getting back to days of Social Distancing. I’m currently on Day 54. Things have changed a bit, but I’ll get into that in a different post. I also need to do a book post.

All that will wait. Mother’s Day is tomorrow, and today I want to talk about being a mom. Four years ago, I was not yet a mom. Although, I was pregnant, and I think that’s basically being a mom. It’s still hard for me to believe my son is going to be four in a week. Some moments are still so clear to me that it feels like I just became a mom yesterday.

When I decided I wanted to have a child, I truly had no idea what any of it really meant. I knew nothing about being a mom. I had a great mom. I had friends that were moms, but I knew nothing about being a mom.

I’ve seen a lot of sadness lately, and sometimes I feel guilty for my current happiness. I get my son, and I get to spend these days with him. I’m lucky. I get to live a life with my son. Not everybody gets to do this.

I’ve enjoyed being a Momma. It’s hard, and at times it’s frustrating, but it’s worth it. Watching my son grow up has been amazing, and even though we both have a lot to learn, it’s still so much fun.

I have an active son who has his own mind. He will figure things out on his own. He is stubborn, he is always full of energy, he loves to have his own way, and he’s hilarious. He talks all the time, but we only know what he’s saying half the time. He gets frustrated easily – he got that from me.

I’ve spent half of his life thus for questioning my decisions as a mom. I’ve questioned whether I’m really a good mom.

I lack the patience I wish I had. I see other moms that seem calm all the time, and I am jealous of them, and compare myself to them. I yell more than I’d like, and my son yells as well. Every time he does something disagreeable, I assume it’s my fault. I assume he’s learned it from me. I wish I was a better mom.

I was not made to be a mom, like so many other women say they are. However, I was made to be Anthony’s mom. He made me a mom, and it doesn’t matter how hard I am on myself, I know I was meant to be his mom. I try to be the best mom I can. I am a good mom. Even though I don’t always think I am, my son is the most important thing, and I want to raise him to be a nice, strong, caring and happy kid. In this house, we laugh. We laugh at everything, and those are the moments when I think I’m doing something right.

I am a mom. And I am a good mom. I think on Mother’s Day, and every day after that, us Momma’s need to know that we are doing a good job. We need to admit that we don’t need to be perfect. My son is better for seeing my imperfections, and I am a better mom when I don’t try to be the “perfect Instagram Mom.” All I need to know is that my son knows I love him, and he loves me back.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful Moms out there.

Here are some photos of my Mom journey.

The first month was hard. Breastfeeding was tough, and all consuming. I had doubts about everything I was doing. I worried constantly. At about three weeks, my son wasn’t gaining weight, and puked everything I fed him up. It turned out he had an enlarged muscle that wouldn’t allow the food to get into his tummy. When it was diagnosed, he had a hospital stay and a surgery. It was pretty scary for a new mom. The second month was better. Hard, but better.

Anthony, May 9, 2020

Being a mom is a privilege. I don’t take any of it lightly. Happy Mother’s Day to me, and to my mom, and to all the amazing Mommas out there. And all the love to those that are struggling.

©ErinLeahMcCrea All photos I share on my blogs are my own, please Ask Me For Permission Before Using Them

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